Capitalism Is The Best It's Ever Been!

Listen to a reading of this article (reading by Tim Foley):

No no everything’s fine. It’s perfectly normal for people to have 80 hour work weeks while billionaires transform into trillionaires and tech plutocrats feed all our drinking water to AI servers as the planet dies. This is the only system that could possibly work.

No no it’s great. If you can’t afford a house it’s because you’re lazy and entitled. Stop eating fancy fruits and vegetables and sleep in your cubicle. One time I saw a homeless person with a phone. Sell your phone and use the money buy a house, you idiot.

What do you mean you want taxes to go toward infrastructure and basic social safety nets? That money is for the arms industry, and for Israel. If you want a high-speed rail system, build it yourself.

If you’re sad about being poor, ask your parents to loan you a few million dollars so you can invest it and become wealthy. There’s a veritable smorgasbord of exciting new opportunities on the horizon.

There’s still time to get in on the ground floor of the upcoming sexbot industry, for example, or the militarized police robot industry.

Create a line of children’s toys with functions you can activate through a small monthly fee with flexible tiered payment options.

See if you can design a highly addictive social media platform that feeds people’s information directly to CIA headquarters.

Invent an AI system that automatically freezes people’s digital money if they try to start a union.

Make a new gig economy app that helps poor people sell and deliver their organs to rich people.

Or what about a boat that sinks if you let your Remain Buoyant subscription lapse?

They say there are giant continents of plastic forming in the Pacific Ocean. You could rent out apartments on those.

Cult leaders are generally good at extracting wealth from their followers. You could probably make a chatbot that does that.

Elon Musk is working on those Neuralink implants to connect human brains to computers. You could set up a company that beams advertisements directly into people’s heads.

Speaking of advertisements, how has nobody thought of drones with megaphones blaring commercials at pedestrians yet? That’s a multibillion-dollar industry right there. They should fill the air in every major city on earth.

Capitalism is the best it’s ever been, is my point. There has never been a more exciting time to be an industrious young mind with a dream in your heart and a roll of nickels in your pocket.

So quit your whining, commie.

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Check out my new book, Faces Of The Empire: The Battle For Humanity’s Soul.

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