A Short Conversation About Politics

“If you don’t vote for the Baby Incinerators with Blue Hats, you’re helping the Baby Incinerators with Red Hats!”

But I oppose incinerating babies.

“Look, those babies are getting incinerated no matter what, so we need to worry about the ones with red hats, who are WAY worse on other non-baby-incineration-related issues.”

Don’t you think it’s kind of obscene and horrifying and nightmarish and dystopian that you find yourself saying those babies are getting incinerated no matter what instead of trying to make them all stop incinerating babies? Like, how is the fact that both mainstream parties in this country want to incinerate babies not the main topic of conversation here?

“Our political system isn’t perfect okay? Do you really want to miss out on some sweet student loan debt forgiveness from the Baby Incinerators with Blue Hats just because they like incinerating babies?”

I kinda think the whole baby incineration issue is a lot more urgent and important than that though.

“Damn it dude, you need to be realistic! OBVIOUSLY the Baby Incinerators with Blue Hats can’t just stop incinerating babies, they’d lose the support of the baby incineration lobby!”

Oh my God but WHY is there a baby incineration lobby?? Why is incinerating babies a thing at all?? I feel like I’m going insane listening to the Baby Incinerators with Blue Hats argue back and forth with the Baby Incinerators with Red Hats about who’s got the stronger immigration policies, when they’re both openly campaigning on the policy of continuing to incinerate babies! That’s the main thing! Can’t we fight them on that??

“After the election, dude. After the election. We get the Baby Incinerators with Blue Hats into office, and then we push them toward perhaps considering incinerating fewer babies. In their last debate you saw the top blue hat acknowledge that far too many babies have been incinerated. That’s a start!”

I don’t want them to incinerate ANY babies though!

“Okay well that’s just ridiculous. You’re an extremist.”

Oh yeah well I think incinerating babies is what’s extreme.

“You can’t just incinerate zero babies, dude. We have to be politically pragmatic. You really gonna let your fairies-and-unicorns, pie-in-the-sky idealism get in the way of our comfort here at home? You might get slightly worse healthcare!”

I don’t even want to talk about this! I just want to talk about the huge, glaring problem that we keep seeing babies tossed into giant incinerators no matter who gets elected. I’m choosing to make that problem the area of my focus, not whether the people incinerating them happen to wear blue hats or red hats.

“So you’re, like, what? A fascist then? Some kind of Russian agent?”

I think I’m just normal. I think I’m just a normal person born into a crazy world where babies keep getting incinerated and everyone acts like that’s fine while arguing about immigrants eating cats and prisoners getting sex change operations.

“Okay well you’re gonna feel like a real jerk when the Baby Incinerators with Red Hats get into power and your healthcare deductible goes up and they’re still incinerating your beloved babies anyway.”

No I’m pretty sure I’ll still just be focused on trying to fight the system which says it’s okay to incinerate babies.

“Whatever, stupid commie.”

_____________________

My work is entirely reader-supported, so if you enjoyed this piece here are some options where you can toss some money into my tip jar if you want to. Go here to find video versions of my articles. If you’d prefer to listen to audio of these articles, you can subscribe to them on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Soundcloud or YouTube. Go here to buy paperback editions of my writings from month to month. All my work is free to bootleg and use in any way, shape or form; republish it, translate it, use it on merchandise; whatever you want. The best way to make sure you see the stuff I publish is to subscribe to the mailing list on Substack, which will get you an email notification for everything I publish. All works co-authored with my husband Tim Foley.

Bitcoin donations: 1Ac7PCQXoQoLA9Sh8fhAgiU3PHA2EX5Zm2

Featured image via Adobe Stock.